Shame.

A word that keeps us hostage.

A word that keeps us “as sick as our secrets.”

It holds us bound and tied to parts of ourselves that we judge as the definition of who we are, rather than just a piece of our journey.

Shame.

It keeps us replaying the past over and over as if some sense will come of it.

We cannot make sense of why we live painful parts of this life journey. It is in this attempt to make sense of it, that we perpetuate the cycle of shame. It is in this cyclone of negativity that we keep ourselves bound to the past and unable to free ourselves.

I drenched myself in shame for years. Shame is all I had known for half my life.

Being raised in an alcoholic home with both a functioning and non-functioning alcoholic parent, I had no proof that there was another way.

My reality was that I was bad. I was wrong. I was simply shameful.

Shame consumed me until the moment I discovered choice.

Choice allowed me to crack myself wide open and become vulnerable, compassionate and empathetic.

I realized that I had a choice to be compassionate and empathetic to the journey behind me, reaching back to that little girl inside, and telling her “it’s okay, we’re going to be vulnerable now.”

She and I stepped out of that shame bath the very moment we chose to be vulnerable and share our pain. My vulnerability was met with compassion and empathy from both myself and others.

Stepping out from behind a curtain of protection, allowed me to begin living. Truly living for the first time in more than half my life.

I didn’t hide my truth from others. I shared freely the thoughts and emotions that had kept me in a spiral of unworthiness fueled by shame.

Little by little I shared my past and pain with others, giving them permission to do the same.

It was in those interactions of living my truth, that compassion and empathy blossomed-the shame disappeared.

I had a choice. I either chose shame and remained a prisoner, or chose truth, vulnerability, compassion and empathy, and began living.

I chose living.

Shame has no place here.