Creating Boundaries For Emotional Health
Boundaries are created for your benefit.
Boundaries are set in order to make your own life better.
Before we go on, let me define boundaries for you.
In a nutshell, boundaries are limits one sets with another person, or a group of people, to protect their own mental and physical wellbeing.
The first, and most important step in creating boundaries for yourself is gaining clarity on why you need them in your life.
This process begins by examining the relationships in your life and deciphering the ones that cause you mental, emotional, or physical distress.
These are the relationships we refer to as triggers – they trigger feelings in you that are negative and uncomfortable.
I have a loved one who would spend countless hours on the phone with me for years; day in, and day out.
Whenever this person needed to vent and unload their emotions, I was available. I never said no (which would have been a healthy boundary).
I lost so much time in my own life, I remember missing family time with my children because I’d be stuck on the phone listening (you may be able to relate).
After years and years, I finally decided enough was enough, I had to take back control.
I set a boundary.
I got clarity on the situation, wrote it down, and decided what was acceptable, and what was not.
I chose when and for how long we would have calls to “catch up” (in other words, I would listen).
I was very clear in my description of how we would communicate from now on, and didn’t allow myself to feel guilty about it.
This boundary was not only going to benefit me, it was also going to benefit my loved one in the long run.
So, once you have the clarity about particular relationships, write them down.
Next write down how each relationship triggers you, get specific on the how.
Write down what is no longer acceptable behavior, and what you will, or will not accept any longer.
This is your line in the sand, your boundary.
These boundaries will give you the power to take back a sense of control and dominion over your mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing.
You will be empowered by these boundaries and become stronger, more confident, and happier.
Do not feel guilty about setting boundaries!
A reminder, these boundaries are not only going to be beneficial to your quality of life, they will, in the long run, benefit the people you’re setting the boundaries with.
*Ways you may not be setting boundaries in your life:
loaning money you need to people
doing things you don’t like (saying yes when you want to say no)
giving people several chances to hurt you
allowing people to boss you around
you agree with people when you actually disagree
you give away too much of your precious time
you care more about what others think of you than you do about standing up for yourself