Apologies To My Younger Self. When Emotional Eating and Body Dysmorphia Robs You of Life.

Self-reflection on my life experience with emotional eating and body dysmorphia.

I still apologize to that younger version of myself who spent so many years hiding.

How many times did I drape a towel around my waist, walk to the edge of the water, look right, left, and behind me before dropping the towel?

Ironically, I hid my body for being too much, and also for not being enough.

I was thin, I was athletic, in hindsight, my body was beautiful. I was told this. Uncomfortable to say the least. Attention about my body was not welcome.

The flip side, I began to see my body as a negative, I hid it. Then I began changing it. I’ll call it adding “protective layers”... anything to stop the attention.

Fast forward, half my life was spent on a roller coaster of loving and hating my body.

I apologize to my younger self. I apologize for all the swims I didn’t take-instead sweating on the beach in my chair while everyone laughed and splashed in the refreshing water.

I apologize for all of the parties I skipped, staying in my dorm room waiting for tomorrow; a day when I’d love my body and be ready to go out with my friends.

I apologize for all of the times I looked in the mirror and wished to be in someone else’s body.

I’m so grateful today that I freed myself from this roller coaster. I changed the way I looked at my body and began to love it again. I began to feel free.

If you’re struggling with your body, finding yourself in a love-hate relationship, perhaps you’re seeing your body through a different lens than everyone else, there’s hope.

I was so deep in self-loathing and body dysmorphic thinking, but I made a choice. I succeeded in loving myself again, and so can you.

If you’re entering this new year with a list of things you want to change about your body, fueled with negativity and self-loathing, please begin with compassion!

Release the negative messages and replace them with acceptance.

Whether you’re 15 or 65, there’s a little version of yourself inside, she deserves to be loved.

Start with love, start with acceptance, start with patience, and sprinkle some COMPASSION.

You can break the pattern. You can make this change. You are your answer and you can do this!