The Power Of Our Thoughts

Your thoughts become things.

Do you have any idea how f-ing powerful your thoughts are?

I was reminded of how powerful they are this week … BUT first I had to be taken down by them.

The situation itself was not what took me down - it was me, myself, and I. It was me and my thoughts.

Without getting into the details of the situation (which aren’t important anyway), I’ll share that someone in my life is struggling, our relationship is no longer what it was, and it’s been extremely painful for me to navigate.

As the adult child of alcoholic parents, my core is , and will always be, a bit fragile, vulnerable, and ready to discover that I am indeed wrong, bad, not enough, unworthy, unlovable, and responsible for everyone else’s happiness.

This is the belief system that a child raised in a dysfunctional home creates in order to “make sense” of the inexplicable.

The child of an alcoholic has zero predictability and consistency in relationships, in people’s emotions, in their own emotions … so that child finds a way to create their own predictability in order to survive emotionally.

In my childhood, I gained predictability, and therefore control, by blaming myself.

I made EVERYTHING about me.

People’s sadness, anger, and fear became my responsibility. Their self-destruction and the destruction of relationships around me, was mine to own.

If I was responsible for what was happening around me (the chaos), then I could blame myself and feel a sense of control. If “it’s all my fault”, I don’t have to be the victim, I just need to be better, do more, be nicer, be happier, be less needy, be good, and never be needy.

Okay, fast forward to this week.

I’ll get back to YOUR thoughts BEING F-ING POWERFUL in a minute, promise!

So again, without the details, this friendship I’m referencing has changed. It’s been three years now, and I finally came to terms that it was no longer, and this had nothing to do with me (it’s taken a long time to get here).

Then, this past week there was a situation where I became disempowered in my truth (my truth is that my friend has something going on in her life that she doesn’t want to share, and this is not about me).

When this situation came up a few days ago, at first, I was “good”.

I reached for my tools, I connected to my inner compass, and I knew, like I knew, like I knew, that this was not about me. My heart was breaking for her, but I still knew I could not blame myself, and I WOULD NOT allow that old coping mechanism to rear its destructive head. I would not allow myself to make this about me in order to relieve the inexplicable fact that she was no longer in my life.

Sometimes life just doesn’t make sense …. AND THAT IS OKAY!

Then, I was lying in bed Sunday night when a single new thought popped into my head ….. “oh my gosh! It is indeed about me!”

“Whaaaaat????”

“How did I not see this?” …. “I need to fix this.”

My heart raced, I began to sweat, my jaw tightened, my ears began to ring, and my temples contracted.

I was now, in a matter of seconds, (from one singular thought) completely disconnected from my truth, out of alignment, and in a full blown trigger.

With one SINGLE thought, I was disconnected from my adult (highly evolved, emotionally intelligent, and healed/healing self) who knows in her heart of hearts, in all of her truth, that she’s a wonderful friend.

With one thought, I went from being at peace with what is, being in my heart space, rather than in my head, and knowing that her actions are not mine … to being fully responsible.

There in my bed lay someone who hasn’t shown up in years. The five year old Tanya who desperately wanted everything to make sense when she was little (to be predictable and in control) showed up to “fix everything” by laying blame on herself.

One thought, one new reality.

My inner child was triggered. She stepped up to try to “fix” and “control” the unexplainable. I had created a narrative with a single thought that matched the deepest of deep core beliefs within me. The core belief that I am “bad”, “wrong”, “not enough”, “to blame”, and “responsible” for everything and everyone.

In a split second I began questioning how many of our friends have known all along that she’s actually upset at me.

In a situation that felt unbearable because it didn’t make sense (how does one of my dearest of friends just disappear?) …. my f-ing powerful mind thought it had the answer …. “finally!” …. my subconscious mind felt “this sucks, but I’m in control!” … “It’s all my fault so I’ll make things better.”

This is how powerful your thoughts are, my thoughts are, our thoughts are - the mind is.

The power of our thoughts is is mind blowing.

As you know, I talk A LOT about thoughts creating feelings, feelings creating actions, and actions creating reality.

So my thoughts created a reality that I was now stuck in. In my bed in the middle of the night, sleepless and in panic mode, with TMJ, a headache, a racing heart, and desperate to make it all better - I was already in full belief.

With one thought, you and I can either be so aligned in our truth that nothing can shake us … OR, we can doubt literally everything, and become so overwhelmed we don’t even feel connected to our bodies.

WOWZAS! What polarity.

I hadn’t been triggered deeply like this in years. In the morning I tried to meditate on it, to do my practices, I reached for ALL the tools in my tool box; but nothing helped. I had gone so far out of alignment that the things that usually brought me back to center weren’t working. I couldn’t stay in this emotional place, I needed to look externally for the answers (ANSWERS I ALREADY KNEW).

Yes, of course, ultimately the goal in our healing and personal development is to be in a place where we can right our own ship, BUT, we are human, and humans are not meant to do it alone.

This is where vulnerability comes into play.

Vulnerability is connection, and connection brings us back home.

I reached out to one of our dear mutual friends.

She of course told me exactly what the “adult”, healed, and aligned version of myself knew to be true. She said it out loud, exactly what I had already known - this is not about me.

My body released. My jaw loosened, my ears stopped ringing, and my temples softened.

Aaaah, big exhale.

Wow, I had been taken down by my own thoughts.

I returned to my body. I felt calm again. As I became centered and felt at peace, I had clarity.

The clarity was: this is not about me …. AND …. it’s okay to wonder away from myself - the importance is how often it happens, and how long I swim around in it.

The first thing I did was give myself grace and compassion, it’s imperative that we never beat ourselves up for the moments when our thoughts take us down.

I also celebrated the fact that I didn’t marinate it. I didn’t remain in the those non-optimal emotions, and that I supported myself the best I could.

I let my nervous system recalibrate with some powerful exercises that have been my tried and true life preservers in the past (I’ll have to do a video on those).

Actually, I’ll link a tapping sequence for you right here.

So I share this with you because I know you also feel the power of your thoughts.

With that being said, I want to use my recent situation to remind you that there is no denying the power of your thoughts … but this works both ways.

Your thoughts are powerful enough to disconnect you from your truth, yet, they’re also powerful enough to create a reality that you deserve, one that is in alignment with who you are, and a reality that keeps you connected to your inner compass (your core values).

Knowing this, trust your intuition. Know your truth. Do your best to stay in alignment with your authenticity … BUT, if you’re taken off track (out of alignment with your truth), do not judge yourself.

No judgement, and remember, your thoughts are not fact.

We all have parts of ourselves that have experienced trauma (whether “big T” or “small t” traumas), these parts of us allow our thoughts to dig up old stories and patterns (just as I just did).

Always know that your intuition has the answer you’re seeking.

The first thought is the most powerful.

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